Dogopolis

Products

How to Spot:
Shoot a bird, if your dog retrieves it and brings it back, you've got yourself a sporting dog!

Good with kids?
Absolutely! (extremely gentle)

Sporting (Bird) Dog

Examples include:
Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever,
Cocker Spaniel

Ideal Owner:
Hunter/Bird Hunter

Best Case Scenario:
The dog's retrieving instinct fits
right in with your lazy nature!
("Hey Bud, fetch me a beer from the fridge!")

Worst Case Scenario:
Your dog retrieves everything, but unfortunately, your dog can't distinguish a bird from a car!
("Why does everybody park on my lawn?")

How to Spot:
Run through the woods and hide. If your dog finds you, you've got yourself a hound dog!

Good with kids?
Yes (excellent guard dog)

Hound Dog

Examples include:
Afghan, Basset, Beagle,
Bloodhound

Ideal Owner:
Hunter/Rabbit Hunter (Elmer Fudd)

Best Case Scenario:
With the help of your dog's keen nose
and vision, you and your friends are able
to travel around the world in your mystery
machine solving crimes.
(I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids... and that nosy dog!)

Worst Case Scenario:
After watching too much television,
your dog runs away from home to track down
the elusive Bigfoot!

How to Spot:
If your pet has whiskers, retractable claws, and
goes to the bathroom in your sandbox,
you've got yourself a cat!

Good with kids?
Yes (a few scratches never hurt anybody)

House Cat

Examples include:
Siamese, Persian, Calico, Alley

Ideal Owner:
People who don't like potty training

Best Case Scenario:
Your cat learns to say the word, "Budweiser"
and you make millions of dollars
through endorsements.

Worst Case Scenario:
On Halloween night, your black cat stumbles
upon your catnip hiding place and then goes
on a rampage traumatizing kids throughout
the neighborhood!  ("That's quite a
hangover you have there, Fluffy")

How to Spot:
If a stranger shakes your hand and your dog bites them, you got yourself a guard dog!

Good with kids?
Yes (very protective dogs)

Working (Guard) Dog

Examples include:
Boxer, Doberman, Great Dane,
Rottweiler, St. Bernard

Ideal Owner:
Home owner needing an affordable
security system

Best Case Scenario:
Your dog wins first prize at the
Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show!
Your name and your dog's go down
in canine history!

Worst Case Scenario:
Two words: Cu - jo

How to Spot:
If your pet cat attacks and eats your pet antelope, you've got yourself a wild cat!

Good with kids?
Probably not. (kids are "snackable" size)

Wild Cat

Examples include:
Lion, Tiger, Cheetah,
Jaguar, Leopard

Ideal Owner:
Local Zoo

Best Case Scenario:
You train your pet tiger to become your "watch"
cat. Your tiger becomes responsible for
your community to be proclaimed, "the
safest neighborhood in America"!

Worst Case Scenario:
Your Las Vegas show thrives until one of your
pet cats mauls a photographer in the audience.
The victim's family receives your estate as
you receive a 50 year jail sentence.

How to Spot:
If your dog is pulling your sled,
you've got yourself a sled dog!

Good with kids?
Yes. (loyal and friendly)

Working (Sled) Dog

Examples include:
Siberian Husky,
Alaskan Malamute

Ideal Owner:
Someone without a Snowplow

Best Case Scenario:
The next Ice Age hits mankind and your
taxi-sled business is the only
transportation in town!

Worst Case Scenario:
The next Ice Age doesn't come for another
million years and even though you have
ample savings you are unable to
sustain your taxi-sled business
for that long.

How to Spot:
If you have a bowl with something,
swimming in it 24 hours a day,
you've got yourself a fish (hopefully)!

Good with kids?
Yes. (only a child can watch the fish swim round and round and round and...)

Goldfish

Examples include:
Goldfish, Angelfish

Ideal Owner:
Someone suffering from high stress

Best Case Scenario:
Your fish or fish (plural) give you
hours of enjoyment and reduce both
your blood pressure and cholesterol!

Worst Case Scenario:
Your investments and fish both go
"belly up" causing you to suffer
a major heart attack.

How to Spot:
If you let your dog loose in the forest and
he/she brings back a dead rodent,
you've got yourself a terrier!

Good with kids?
Excellent.
(some breeds not so friendly with other dogs)

Terrier

Examples include:
Airdale, Irish, Scottish, Pit Bull

Ideal Owner:
Farmer

Best Case Scenario:
Your dog patrols your family restaurant
as it keeps it vermin free. The Health Dept.
rewards your ingenuity by featuring
your dog on the cover of
Health Codes Monthly!

Worst Case Scenario:
Your vermin-free restaurant is never
very busy. You had more business when
you had the rats rather than now,
with your pit bull running around.

How to Spot:
If you hear the theme from
"Jaws" as your pet approaches,
you've got yourself a shark!

Good with kids?
Not a chance.
(not good with people, let alone other fish)

Shark

Examples include:
Great White, Tiger, Hammerhead

Ideal Owner:
The ocean or someone with a big
(really big) fish tank

Best Case Scenario:
You charge admission to your humble home
as it becomes an aquatic attraction.
(To reach the shark aquarium, take
a left at the 7-11 and it'll be the
third house on your right!)

Worst Case Scenario:
While feeding your shark, you
accidentally slip and fall in!

How to Spot:
If your dog will fit in your pocket,
you've got yourself a toy dog!

Good with kids?
Yes. (a good playmate)

Toy Dog

Examples include:
Chihuahua, Maltese, Pug
Miniature Pincsher

Ideal Owner:
Someone seeking a close companion that they
can carry/take with them everywhere

Best Case Scenario:
Your dog learns to speak Spanish
and you make millions off endorsements!
(No quiero Taco Bell)

Worst Case Scenario:
Taco Bell food is found to
contain large volumes of lead!

How to Spot:
If your pet has a forked tongue and you
can't find any hands or legs on it,
you've got yourself a snake!

Good with kids?
Boys. (Girls usually detest them)

Snake

Examples include:
Cobra, Python, Anaconda
Boa Constrictor

Ideal Owner:
Those with a sense of adventure
(bored with regular pets)

Best Case Scenario:
You train your snake and use it in
your vermin extermination service as
it can get into so many places you can't.
("Find the treat, Marty!")

Worst Case Scenario:
You come home and find that your
anaconda has escaped. Soon after, many
(large) pets and people start disappearing
throughout your neighborhood.

How to Spot:
If you walk through the woods and
your dog doesn't kill something or
bring something to you, you might
have yourself a non-sporting dog!

Good with kids?
Yes.  (Can be overly protective)

Non-Sporting/Companion

Examples include:
Bulldog, Dalmatian, Chow Chow, Poodle

Ideal Owner:
Someone seeking a companion that's bigger
than their hand.

Best Case Scenario:
Your Dalmatian makes headlines as
it gives birth to a large litter
of over 100 puppies!

Worst Case Scenario:
A rich, evil neighbor turning your
puppies into their new winter coat!

How to Spot:
If it looks like a log with a mouth
bigger than your kitchen table
you've got yourself a croc!

Good with kids?
Probably not. (No swimming allowed)

Crocodile

Examples include:
Nile, Needlenose, Freshwater

Ideal Owner:
Swamp, Nile River, Crocodile Hunter

Best Case Scenario:
Having a weekly feature on the Animal
Planet's Crocodile Hunter Show, you show
other people how they too can
domesticate a croc!

Worst Case Scenario:
The lawsuits after six kids jump your fence
and sneak into your swimming pool
(aka crocodile habitat) ...and
only four kids can be located.

How to Spot:
If you wander away from a group
of people and your dog bites you
on the butt to make you go back,
you've got yourself a herding dog!

Good with kids?
Yes. (playful and protective)

Herding Dog

Examples include:
German Shepherd, Collie, Corgi,
Sheepdog

Ideal Owner:
Someone with a lot of sheep (or kids)

Best Case Scenario:
Your dog is so brave and smart
that he/she earns four medals of
honor on the local police force.
(That's four more than you)

Worst Case Scenario:
Too many bites in the butt lead
to open sores, huge medical bills,
and indescribable pain!